FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS - COVERAGE
What is Sean White doing here? Get him out of here.
More Patricia Clarkson. (Can this movie be about her instead? Maybe we cut the kids and she and Richard Jenkins fall in love? Can we cure Alzheimer’s? Look into that. Also don’t make her wear sequins. She would never wear sequins.)
Cut the flash mob. Cut the other flash mob.
"This is my mountaintop." NO.
Isn’t JT supposed to be a sex symbol? Why is he a total nerd in this movie? FIX THAT. Also acting lessons might not be a bad idea. Look into it.
The music in this movie is distractingly bad. I don’t know what to tell you.
Bryan Greenberg would not douche out like that the morning after. THE MAN IS A DOCTOR.
I’m worried about Jason Segal. Is he doing alright?
10:10 pm • 30 July 2011 • 4 notes
Can we talk about early-onset Alzheimer’s? Specifically, how early is “early”? (Like, is 27 early?) And how does one tell the difference between memory loss from Alzheimer’s and memory loss from, say, lack of sleep and excessive multi-tasking? Anyone who is capable of reading a WebMD page without self-diagnosing is qualified to answer! BONUS: What about brain tumors and memory loss? Causation? Correlation? Commiseration? Constipation? Asking for my dog. I mean a friend. I mean my dog.
12:38 pm • 28 July 2011 • 3 notes
Stockholm syndrome, with a dog
I am taking care of the family dog this summer so my parents can go to the beach and be normal retired people, instead of retired people whose lives are ruled by a dog. (It’s also trendy to move back in with your parents, and I like to be on trend.) They’ve been gone for a week, and I’m losing my mind. The dog is in charge. I traded my life for theirs in a straight up hostage swap. As my mom hugged me before she left, she looked me in the eyes and whispered, “Thank you.” As they drove away, the dog started barking, and she hasn’t stopped.
That’s not entirely true. She stops to sleep, at which point I am afraid she is dead, and I lean over her to ensure that her belly rises and falls. But when she is not sleeping, she is barking. She sits on the back of the couch and looks out the window, like a cat. But unlike a cat, she barks at everyone who walks by: the mailman, the UPS man, a near-constant stream of neighbor children. If it’s quiet outside, she comes and finds me. She barks, sneezes, stares, and coughs, imploring me to take her out, to feed her, to feed her something else because her tastes have become too discerning for dog food.
7:15 pm • 21 July 2011 • 6 notes
“One of the things you learn as a college president is that if an undergraduate is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o’clock, there are two possibilities. One is that they’re looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that they are an a**hole. This was the latter case.”
— Larry Summers, former President of Harvard, regarding the Winklevoss twins that sued Zuckerberg over Facebook (via loganabbott)
(Source: CNN, via loganabbott)
7:35 pm • 20 July 2011 • 20 notes
writing for money
As most professional bloggers can attest, there is a fine, maybe nonexistent line, between being paid to write a post and being paid to write a loosely connected string of SEO terms. One has integrity (maybe), one does not. One has soul (maybe), one does not. “What is the nature of that line, to me, a writer,” I asked myself not very seriously on a recent evening, as I tried to figure out how to get paid while never leaving my house again. I applied to three content providers. One denied me (“after careful review of your application, we have decided you are unable to write at a third grade level,” it didn’t say but should have), one hasn’t gotten back to me, and one gave me access to jobs just for signing up.
There are a number of unexciting projects to apply to on this site. A blog about cars will pay $10 per post written by “an automotive enthusiast who can let their real opinions - good or bad - come through.” A site offering ”news, ads, friends, all yours for free” (and in Comic Sans, to boot) and whose mission statement assures readers that “we are you. you are us,” is offering $3.33 for 30 tweets (competition may be stiff, as applicants must include “how many tweeter followers” they have). Also available is a project of unspecified breadth and scope for an “entertainment and lifestyle newsletter covering the best of what LA has to offer,” though apparently the best is subjective and not applicable to grammar (“events you need to be at”) or taste (“every month we spotlight a local model, giving you a glimpse of the LA scene … expect to party with our Troublemakers at our signature events”).
Two projects offered especially detailed project requests, including suggested article topics. I will share them in their entirety.
Pro Virginity Articles
Straight with no chaser appealing & witty articles for girls & young women w/pro-virginity agenda.
Promote abstinence. Flavorful, salacious, witty, charming, comical, thought provoking, provocative, hard hitting and no holds barred read, but no tip toeing or walking around on egg shells around the subject of why in the hell young girls, teens, single women should avoid premarital sex until MARRIAGE.
$20.00 Per Article
11 Total Articles + Comic
Demographic of Readers:
Girls 10 - 100
Men Interested In Pro Virgin Projects
400- 600 Word Count.
List of Articles:
1. Virginity Mindset : Top Ten Reasons To Avoid Premarital Sex written in a witty, thought provoking prose
2. Virginity Game Theory or Game Strategy
3. Virginity Trainwrecks
4. Virginity Fashion Collections For Fall
5. Virginity Advice Column Three To Five Tales of “Issues” and Advice By Our Own Grand Dame, The Virginity Diva
6. Virginity Walk of Fame : 3 Major Female Celebrities Who Are Pro Virginity and How They’re Changing The Game
7. The New Generation of Virginity
8. The Case For A Virginity Awards Show
9. Virginity Poll Articles : Thought Provoking Issues and Responses w/ Percentages
10. The Virginity Report and State of Virginity in America - Very research focused , health and wellness, biological development, mitigating factors; could be very scientific but glam’d up with a sexy editorial edge
11. Virginity Scholarships In 2012 : Help Keep Girls Focused On Fast Track Success In Education, Careers , Self Improvement and Evolution
12. Funny , Sarcastic Pro Virginity Comic Strip 6 to 10 frames
WHAT. “Men interested in pro-virgin projects” (what kind of projects? Pro-virginity craft projects? Pro-virginity woodworking projects?) “Virginity fashion collections for fall” (what does this mean, please, I must know?) My sincerest hope for this ad is that it is real and we can all enjoy the fruits of some pro-virginity content farmer’s labor in the very near future.
The second best ad might actually be the best ad.
Arab American Articles
Luxury Publication. Top of The Line Writers Only. Various Articles. See Below.
400-600 Word Count Articles
Delicious Reads That Leave Readers Salivating and Begging For More …
1. Witty Advice Column From A Middle Eastern Thought Leaders Point Of View ; Think Dear Abby - Dear Alladin
2. Classic Arab Literature w/ a Twist ( A Spicy Tale From 1001 Arabian Nights w/ a Modern Twist Tied To Beverly Hills or Hollywood)
3. Enticing, Experience Feature Rich Article Covering Top Spas and Treatments In Beverly Hills Attractive To Middle Eastern Travelers
4. Cosmetic Surgery :: Rhinoplasty and Liposuction/Liposculpture
5. Gourmet Arab Recipes
6. Arab Proverbs and Words of Wisdom
7. Famous Arab Americans : Shakira, Paula Abdul
8. High End Real Estate In 90210
9. Mid East Power Brokers
10. Doing Business In Saudi Arabia
$20.00 Per Article!!!
Quick Turn Around Time Essential.
Publish Date July 4, 2011
This is a great long term and high profile opportunity.
If you are swayed and inspired by this “high profile opportunity,” I implore you to follow your heart. You certainly won’t be stepping on my toes. Because, at some point between scheming how to write subliminal pro-sex messaging into pro-virginity articles, swapping Aladdin jokes with my boyfriend (‘"Dear Alladin [SIC], how do I stay one jump ahead of the breadline, one swing ahead of the sword?”) and consulting Wikipedia on whether Shakira is, in fact, Arab American (yes on the Arab part, no on the American part), I clicked “close tab.” Get some other lackey to write your hilarious copy for money, I thought! I’ll just write about it peripherally, for no money at all. Take that.
1:06 pm • 8 July 2011 • 4 notes
I’m updating my resume and trying to be more honest. What do you think?
1:53 pm • 30 June 2011 • 91 notes
“And somehow still, there was a point at which I started working out a tax issue in my head and then came back when I remembered I was at a movie. So it’s not a total success.”
— "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" | The Awl
11:52 am • 30 June 2011 • 1 note
LA: Lytro: The camera that will change everything
Check out Lytro, a new technology from Ren Ng that is poised to make every other camera ever made obsolete. Lytro camera technology makes the need to focus your shot before you snap a picture irrelevant. It works by capturing as much information as possible about the light fields in front of its…
this is really fun.
8:06 am • 23 June 2011 • 34 notes