Son, before we go to Church for Easter Mass, I need to tell you something. You are now old enough to know that the Easter Bunny isn’t real. It’s all make-believe. Remember a few months ago I explained that Santa Claus isn’t real? And then a few weeks after that I let you in on the secret…
Is there anything more gratuitous in the whole wide universe than Robin Thicke? This video is actually the business. There are models and there is a lamb and I think some sausage links and Pharrell and great shoes and translucent Vinyl clothing and, um, lemme think, hashtags! (#THICKE) some feet a double-decker bike a little bit of butt-slapping (I apprx. 40% do not approve) and some dumb lyrics, so basically, this video is just a bunch of ingredients for a cake.
“We take a look at the economic situation out there, and we objectively know it’s pretty bad, but we internalize it as our own fault and second, because it’s our own fault, we’re pretty sure that there’s someone out there whose got the answer.”
— A [ridiculously informative] Conversation [about personal finance] with [money journalist] Helaine Olen, via The Billfold (via laurenspendsmoney)
Attention Americans of the United States: there is an epidemic in this country. Worse than the obesity epidemic and the longreads-analyzing-Lena-Dunham epidemic. Worse even than people who put ketchup on eggs.
Every day, in every state, in every city, even the BEST CITY, hundreds of regular people leave their homes, completely unaware that the pleats and slits in the fabric of their coats and skirts are SEWN TOGETHER FOR MERCHANDISING PURPOSES AND ARE SUPPOSED TO BE UN-TACKED UPON WEARING BUT AREN’T BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND WEREN’T RAISED WELL.
Just this morning on my commute to work I saw THREE. SEPARATE. INSTANCES. OF TACKED COAT HEMS. THREE! One was a nice looking girl, a sweet person probably, wearing a wool coat with 5 kick pleats in the back, and each one was tacked! The coat is LITERALLY completely different for this girl than it was meant to be by the designer and she has NO IDEA. There should be beautiful pleat movement but there is only stillness and sadness. I feel. So bad. For that girl.
Anyway the list goes on. Pompous-looking jerk dudes wearing expensive stupid coats on the subway acting like they invented water checking their stupid phones every 30 seconds like they’ve got places to be, with their stupid COAT HEMS TACKED STILL. Women dressed like catalog spreads, trying to make it in the big city, barely able to scale the stairs at Grand Central because their pencil skirt back slits are still sewn together and their legs can barely move. So? Sad?
There should be a PSA about this. The “X”-shaped threading in the back of your coat or skirt is NOT DECORATIVE. IT ISN’T SOME COOL AWESOME LOGO. IT’S NOT GOING TO ADD TO YOUR STREET STYLE. IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK CLUELESS AND IT WILL ONLY RESTRICT YOUR RANGE OF MOTION!!!!!!!!!
Possible slogans for The National Coalition for Temporary Fabric Tacking Awareness:
After tweeting with Logan and receiving customer service emails from Emily Books (WHICH YOU SHOULD SUBSCRIBE TO), I realize I mention my immune deficiency a lot, without explaining what the fuck is actually going on. Basically, I inherited a mutated gene from my mother that causes blood clots, low…
“I’m annoyed that my illness prevents me from going out as much as my friends and that I have to act like a thirty year old”
Prison sentences of black men were nearly 20% longer than those of white men for similar crimes in recent years, an analysis by the U.S. Sentencing Commission found.
That racial gap has widened since the Supreme Court restored judicial discretion in sentencing in 2005, according to the Sentencing Commission’s findings, which were submitted to Congress last month and released publicly this week.
Rote documentation is an important part of how I form memories (seealso). At some point a few months into my last job, I started intermittently taking photos of myself in the mirror across from the lobby’s bank of elevators as I ascended to the office in the morning. Here they all are, a collective portrait of…something, anyway.
I’ve been working on this essay about seeing Sonic Youth in 1992 and coming back from a year abroad and feeling like I was vibrating from all the change I had been through. Then I remembered: I was briefly engaged at that time! This is probably its own essay. That time I almost got married. To a…