Lemme Teach You
Attention Americans of the United States: there is an epidemic in this country. Worse than the obesity epidemic and the longreads-analyzing-Lena-Dunham epidemic. Worse even than people who put ketchup on eggs.
Every day, in every state, in every city, even the BEST CITY, hundreds of regular people leave their homes, completely unaware that the pleats and slits in the fabric of their coats and skirts are SEWN TOGETHER FOR MERCHANDISING PURPOSES AND ARE SUPPOSED TO BE UN-TACKED UPON WEARING BUT AREN’T BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE STUPID AND WEREN’T RAISED WELL.
Just this morning on my commute to work I saw THREE. SEPARATE. INSTANCES. OF TACKED COAT HEMS. THREE! One was a nice looking girl, a sweet person probably, wearing a wool coat with 5 kick pleats in the back, and each one was tacked! The coat is LITERALLY completely different for this girl than it was meant to be by the designer and she has NO IDEA. There should be beautiful pleat movement but there is only stillness and sadness. I feel. So bad. For that girl.
Anyway the list goes on. Pompous-looking jerk dudes wearing expensive stupid coats on the subway acting like they invented water checking their stupid phones every 30 seconds like they’ve got places to be, with their stupid COAT HEMS TACKED STILL. Women dressed like catalog spreads, trying to make it in the big city, barely able to scale the stairs at Grand Central because their pencil skirt back slits are still sewn together and their legs can barely move. So? Sad?
There should be a PSA about this. The “X”-shaped threading in the back of your coat or skirt is NOT DECORATIVE. IT ISN’T SOME COOL AWESOME LOGO. IT’S NOT GOING TO ADD TO YOUR STREET STYLE. IT WILL ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK CLUELESS AND IT WILL ONLY RESTRICT YOUR RANGE OF MOTION!!!!!!!!!
Possible slogans for The National Coalition for Temporary Fabric Tacking Awareness:
- Cut it Off. Every Skirt. Every Coat. Every time.
- Use your head, clip your threads
- TEMPORARY FABRIC TACKING: NOT EVEN ONCE
- Where X Marks the Spot, Make it NOT
9:28 am • 14 March 2013 • 127 notes
Total Eclipse of the Blog: Quick Note on my Immune Deficiency for Concerned Readers
After tweeting with Logan and receiving customer service emails from Emily Books (WHICH YOU SHOULD SUBSCRIBE TO), I realize I mention my immune deficiency a lot, without explaining what the fuck is actually going on. Basically, I inherited a mutated gene from my mother that causes blood clots, low…
“ I’m annoyed that my illness prevents me from going out as much as my friends and that I have to act like a thirty year old”
7:14 pm • 20 February 2013 • 6 notes
Prison sentences of black men were nearly 20% longer than those of white men for similar crimes in recent years, an analysis by the U.S. Sentencing Commission found.
That racial gap has widened since the Supreme Court restored judicial discretion in sentencing in 2005, according to the Sentencing Commission’s findings, which were submitted to Congress last month and released publicly this week.
11:31 am • 15 February 2013 • 16 notes
i want my hair to do that how do you do that howww
(Source: aclockworkpink, via juliasegal)
6:57 pm • 14 February 2013 • 7,438 notes
Rote documentation is an important part of how I form memories (see also). At some point a few months into my last job, I started intermittently taking photos of myself in the mirror across from the lobby’s bank of elevators as I ascended to the office in the morning. Here they all are, a collective portrait of…something, anyway.
best portrait project
11:04 pm • 12 February 2013 • 15 notes
Home No. 5: Every inch of your life can be mined for profit and/or pleasure.
I’ve been working on this essay about seeing Sonic Youth in 1992 and coming back from a year abroad and feeling like I was vibrating from all the change I had been through. Then I remembered: I was briefly engaged at that time! This is probably its own essay. That time I almost got married. To a…
and/or and/or and/or and/or and/or and/or and/or and/or
12:24 pm • 12 February 2013 • 21 notes
Lauren Spends Money: How To Dress For Your Man On An Arbitrary Holiday Designed To Make Women In Relationships Feel Like They Owe Something...
United States’ Chief Lady Arts and Crafts Laureate and Dean of Laguna Beach Community College’s online Women’s Studies program Lauren Conrad is at it again, intrepidly paving exciting new avenues for young American women as they navigate society’s perplexing, opaque millennial gender…
“3) “In terms of hair, I love tousled waves. Men prefer looks that aren’t too fussy, and this undone look is always a winner.” This information, along with “Roll Your Hair Up In a Fucking Sock,” is a component of of Conrad’s 2007 study entitled “Flowers Mean I’m Sorry, Chocolates Mean I Love You: I’ll Forgive You, and then I’ll Forget You” (Conrad, Patridge, Cavalleri, et al.). The study concluded that fussy hair suggests that subjects have complete nervous systems, attached to high-functioning brains that fire messages to limb sets to perform sophisticated series of movements to complete complicated tasks, which, nonono.”
3:14 pm • 11 February 2013 • 8 notes
Two or Three Things I Know About Texas: A few things, not necessarily related
1. When I was a senior in high school, I took a class called Rhetoric and Oratory, taught by one of the smartest humans and best teachers I had / have ever encountered. One of the kinds of arguments we studied was the “argument from authority,” wherein the speaker links his claims to claims made…
9:02 am • 11 February 2013 • 4 notes
NYC GIF Series Looking north from the East River Ferry, Greenpoint Stop, 06/13/2011
bobby’s series of NYC gifs is something i just spent a long while looking at and also smiling at, while looking at. recommended. thanks bobby
9:08 am • 8 February 2013 • 323 notes