This really is a must read.
IPAD: BRINGING A GUN TO THE TEXTING DURING A MOVIE KNIFEFIGHT
As I’ve noted before, nothing brings me more pleasure in life than getting people (particularly young people) thrown out of movie theaters for texting or talking during a film. As I’ve mentioned, people who do these things are human mildew and the only solution for them is to scrape them off of any surfact they attach themselves to. I only wish that we lived in a society where justice still prevailed and far more severe punishments were available than just throwing them out of the theater. The removal of their thumbs would be an excellent place to start.
But if there is a downside to getting people thrown out of movies for texting it is that the process of doing so often causes you yourself to miss a good 10 - 15 minutes of the film. A sacrifice that must be made for the public good, but not a win/win by any means.
Last night however, I came upon a more efficient, if slightly less satisfying way of dealing with this menace. I was watching a movie and when the gentleman next to me started texting. He was not particularly young and looked like he belonged much more in a nightclub than a movie theater. I object to the enormous role the word “douche” now plays in our language, and yet, in this instance, I can find no fitting substitute so I will let the D word stand as an apt description.
Anyhow, the hour was late. The movie was so bad (more about that to come) that most of my will to fight had been bludgeoned out of me. Talking to this cretin to even tell him to knock it off would have taken more than I had to give.
But then I realized I had in my hands a bigger weapon than his pathetic little iPhone. When the iPad was first unveiled, they were mocked as just giant iPhones, but perhaps they were built to be such with this very moment in mind. Not saying a word, I turned my iPad on, opened the browser to a white screen and positioned it on my lap pointed directly at my neighbor’s face and away from mine. Thus, I was able to continue to enjoy (or not) the movie - with the screen pointed away from me - ignoring him while he glared at me in outrage and waved his hands around in protest. Finally as he seemed about to make a stink, it dawned on him that he was not in a position to complain about people having their screens open during the movie. I saw him visibly deflate and put his phone back in his pocket. Without a word, I then turned my iPad off and put it away.
Again, not as satisfying as getting him thrown out or having his thumbs cut off, but very effective and made the point!
The man is a genius, and a hero among men.
On June 10, 1912, a family was brutally murdered in a small Iowa town. The murders remain unsolved:
The Moores were not discovered until several hours later, when a neighbor, worried by the absence of any sign of life in the normally boisterous household, telephoned Joe’s brother, Ross, and asked him to investigate. Ross found a key on his chain that opened the front door, but barely entered the house before he came rushing out again, calling for Villisca’s marshal, Hank Horton. That set in train a sequence of events that destroyed what little hope there may have been of gathering useful evidence from the crime scene. Horton brought along Drs. J. Clark Cooper and Edgar Hough and Wesley Ewing, the minister of the Moore’s Presbyterian congregation. They were followed by the county coroner, L.A. Linquist, a third doctor, F.S. Williams (who became the first to examine the bodies and estimate a time of death). When a shaken Dr Williams emerged, he cautioned members of the growing crowd outside: ‘Don’t go in there, boys; you’ll regret it until the last day of your life.’ Many ignored the advice; as many as 100 curious neighbors and townspeople tramped as they pleased through the house, scattering fingerprints, and in one case even removing fragments of Joe Moore’s skull as a macabre keepsake.
This story is insane and I can’t necessarily say that I recommend reading it, but: THIS LINE!
“Worse, he was also believed to have slept with Jones’s vivacious daughter-in-law, a local beauty whose numerous affairs were well known in town thanks to her astonishingly indiscreet habit of arranging trysts over the telephone at a time when all calls in Villisca had to be placed through an operator.”
This is from a New York Times review of Todd Solondz’s new movie, Dark Horse. But when you’re a self-obsessed single woman with an unusual first name, it’s hard not to take these kinds of things personally. (via cleareyesfullhearts)
i love miranda popkey
Taken with instagram
this tiny human is related to me. also, i find his adorableness to be painful sometimes. looking at him, i am pain. has anyone ever been more perfect (no).
- Eight spiders eat you in your sleep each year
- Humans only use 10% of their spleens
- It takes seven billion years to completely digest gum
- When you shave, it grows back twice as Rick
- In Australia, water drains counter-clockwise because God does not exist
- Camel humps are full…
MATT POWERS LADIES AND GENTS.
Tonight, thanks to the Reproductive Health Access Project and papayas, I learned all about the options for first trimester abortions and even performed an aspiration abortion on a papaya! My motivation for going to the seminar was 1.) I staunchly fight for reproductive justice and access in my activist work and yet I was a little shaky about the medicine behind it and 2.) I am really scared about reproductive health access and how every day, anti-reproductive-health assholes chip away at the constitutional right for me and all those with uteri to control our bodily autonomy and heath. I wanted to at least be theoretically familiar with how a first trimester abortion works. I think I am going to go to more seminars in the future just to be safe. I have read the Handmaid’s Tale too many times and to be honest, I’m terrified.
This girl is cool.
I lived in a New School dormitory in the financial district and worked for the subsidiary rights division of a publishing company headquartered in the Flatiron. I made $10 or $12 an hour and my parents paid my rent. Both places were air conditioned, theoretically, but in…
Zan writes so beautifully. Love this.
- Arkansas, “The people rule”
- West Virginia, “Mountaineers are always free”
- New Hampshire, “Live free or die”
- North Dakota, “One sows for the benefit of another age”
- New Mexico, “It grows as it goes”
- North Carolina, “To be, rather than to seem”